Filling the heart

I have always liked that image. Some people think that is a little bit gore... but com'on i am the guy who can't watch "House" or "Grey's Anatomy" cause gets sick when they start talking, and sometimes showing, all that medical stuff... I know better than you what is gore, and that picture isn't.

So i have always liked it, and i think it's because i can feel identified with it from time to time. I mean that from time to time i feel like i have wasted all that's left in me, in my heart, and feel really empty, with the need of filling it up again. I suppose that's something quite normal. If you have lived your day fully, you should feel a little bit empty. Not just tired, but also empty, as if you have given all that was inside of you. And you need to fill your deposit again, because tomorrow a new days awaits... and you would like to live it as fully as today.

But sometimes i feel like my deposit is not enough to arrive to the end of the day. Someone comes to me and asks me a little bit of my fuel cause he has run out of it... and... crap, i am empty, i have nothing else to give. I usually feel a little bit guilty about this. Probably because i don't know how i always achieve to finish my day, to arrive to the goal. But somehow i think that maybe my incapability to give someonelse a little bit of my energy during my trip might make him stay for a long time stopped at the side of the road, waiting for someone with a heart more filled than mine to be a little bit more generous than me.

Probably my problem is that sometimes i am conscious of my limits. You know... i still have energy in me... but is just for me. Is the energy that i need to end my day, if i give it away, even to a beloved one, the one who is going to be lost in the middle of nowhere is going to be me. I suppose that that has got just one name, selfishness. And at the same time lack of trust. Trust that when i am going to be completely empty someone will come and fill me again. I suppose that i have never liked to depend on no one... but i still think my life would be better, if i would accept to empty my heart more usually, and therefore accept to fill it again.