About people and mice.

This couple of last months... well... have been a little bit strange i suppose that i am somehow still recovering myself from what people around me call "cultural shock". I don't know. What i know is that i have nearly lost all my lithuanian, and little by little i think i am also losing my english... And i can't permit that, so here i am trying to write not too wrongly in that languaje.

So this last months have been trying to probe one decission i made some years ago about how to live my life. And when everything turns wrong... i try to remember that decission, and somehow it makes me feel... more peaceful? i don't know... Sometimes i think i am just fooling myself to keep my eyes blind from reality.

The thing is that some years ago i read somewhere that is not a shame to be fooled or betrayed by your friends... what is a shame is not to trust in them. So till then, i am trying to live like that. Trusting my friends, or the people that at least, i consider my friend. Trusting in their love for me over everything else that could make them betray me, and even in such cases trying to think that there is a very good reason for their attitude. Of course... sometimes... i can't avoid think that they were not behaving the way that friends should. But... at the same time i think is not my problem. I just can try to be as best friend as i can, trust in them as much as i can... if they betray that trust... i can't feel ashamed anymore... is their problem, their shame.

Moreover, what has been probing that decission this last days has been also something about i read some years ago. It was something like... "never confuse elviness with incompetence". And sometimes i see people harming people and i just think, "ok, they are so stupid, son incompetent". And somehow, although i can't excuse their acts i can give reason for them. But sometimes... i can't see the incompetence... and i would like not to see evilness... so my thoughs about that people just turn to blank.

I don't know... too many things in my head... this entry is a mess. Sorry, and no pictures this time.